My dearest Mila Joan,


I'm turning on the playlist i listened to in the moments before you came earth side so I can finally sit down and write your story.



My pregnancy with you flew by. I wish I would have documented more of it but I nearly forgot I was pregnant half the time. I was very thankful to have what one would consider an "easy" pregnancy. Make no mistake though, no pregnancy is easy. I was so busy chasing your brother but you were always there giving me the most perfectly timed nudges every time I needed a reminder that you were there. One of my favorite parts was having a baby bump to dress in the fall/winter season rather than the scorching summer. Your pregnancy was SO much more emotional for me. I feel like nearly everyday left me emotionally drained, being pregnant and taking care of your brother who ranged from 8-17 months during your pregnancy was exhausting. He required so much attention from me when I just wanted to give enough to the both of you. I started coaching soccer, I was photographing weddings, your brother learned to walk but chose to run, we celebrated the holidays and then before we knew it...we were awaiting your arrival.

At around 34 weeks we had a choice to make. Birth Center birth or Home Birth. I was so conflicted and your Papai wasn't much help, he just kept saying "whatever you want, that's what I want". I'm a lucky woman to have had a husband that supported me in my choices and did just as much research or more than I did. I prayed and prayed and finally decided to have a home birth because we were convinced your labor would be much faster than your brother's and the birth center was about an hour and half away. Also, the thought of just being able to stay in my bed after birth without having to move sounded like heaven. From then on, I was nesting like a mad woman. All of a sudden, the house was not worthy of your arrival. I planned out gallery walls, house projects, and painting plans. Your Papai thought I was crazy but flattered my plans. Your Godmother, Melissa, came over to help me paint our room so I could get it "just right" for your arrival. I knew I needed a peaceful place to labor and our room was the complete opposite of that. She's so selfless. I'm so blessed to have a friend like her and that you get to have her as an influence in your life. I finished decorating the house just in time for our home visit at 36 weeks and for the first time in almost two years, our house finally felt like a home. A peaceful place to bring another baby into our lives. After that appointment, I believed we were ready for you so we started doing things to encourage labor like walking until my legs might fall off but you were pretty content. Over the weekend between your 36 to 37 week appt I had a moment of feeling light headed and dizzy. It was a quick moment but I remember it brought me to my knees, I felt like I was having trouble breathing for just a moment and it passed. It was a little scary, but everything seemed to be fine. You were moving just like normal so I assumed my blood pressure dropped pretty low as the same thing i had happened with your brother during his pregnancy.


Then, we went to our 37 week appointment at the birth center. I was secretly hoping it would be my last and that you'd decided to come sooner rather than later. We talked about the midwives who would attend your birth and excitedly talked about your arrival. The midwife seeing me that day went to measure my fundal height and within seconds said "hmm...that feels like a head." My heart sunk, you were head down at my 36 week appointment! We went to the room next door for an ultrasound and sure enough, you were breech. I made it through the appointment with a smile on my face and we talked about what our next steps would be. I was referred to a maternal fetal specialist in Houston who would see me to do an external cephalic version to try and get you to flip. The midwife that delivered your brother, Jackie, said to me on the way out "there's time, I know this baby will flip."
Until then, I was going to do whatever I could to encourage you to move. I made it to the car to call Kendall. With a slow, steady voice because I was trying not break down in tears, I told him what had happened at the appointment. I hung up the phone before the tears started flowing. Thank the Lord your MayMay took off work to come with me. I was almost a wreck but she was there to tell me it would be okay. The situation was instantly a reminder that I am not in control but I do know who is. I took a moment to put my trust in the Lord because He already knew what was going to happen and I began praying for you to flip. I spent so much time on our inversion table and doing everything from the spinning babies website. On my way home from the midwife appointment,  I scheduled an appointment with a Chiropractor who specializes in the Webster Technique which is used on pregnant women. The appointment felt like it would never come and that you were never going to turn. Most of the time I was hopeful but there were moments that I would just sob thinking of the possibility of having to have a version or possibly a scheduled c-section. ( Not that there is anything wrong with that, please hear that if you have had to have a c-section.)  I would've been willing to do whatever I needed to do to get you hear safely. Honestly, I was scared. I have never been to an OB or a hospital and the thought terrified me because it was so unknown to me. The doctor I was referred to was on of the best in the nation so I knew I would be in good hands.



Two days later, I went to the appointment. She put me at ease and made me hopeful that you would flip. I left the appointment and felt the best I had felt my whole pregnancy. My hips were in line, my back didn't hurt, it was amazing! I came to the conclusion that even if you didn't flip that the appointment was still worth it because I felt so good. That night, 4 hours after the appointment while resting on the couch---I got that same dizzy, light headed, out of breath feeling again. I was certain that you had flipped. That's why I had felt that way the last time...that's when you flipped! I scheduled an ultrasound for the next day to confirm it, I couldn't wait for my midwife appointment 4 days later, I need to know at that moment. Your sweet Gigee accompanied me to the ultrasound so she could watch your brother while I got to see you. The tech immediately put the wand over my lower abdomen and said "That's a head!"

I started tearing up with excitement and took a picture of the screen to send to your MayMay but my thumbs fumbled through the excitement & I accidentally sent it to my midwife. She was equally excited to hear the news. I instantly felt relief and cancelled my appointment with the specialist in Houston. It felt like our little world was peaceful and we could look forward to your arrival again. I spent the last two weeks spending as much time as I could with your brother. I was so ready to meet you but I treasured those last little moments with just him. It was so hard to picture our lives with another but my heart was already bursting with love for you. Now, we just had to wait to find out if you were going to be a brother or a sister to Ezra. Your Papai begged me not to go into labor overnight but you had your own plan in mind. ;)




 Pictures taken at 36.5 weeks by my super talented encourager of a friend Aubree with Bree Elle Photography. There were many moments during pregnancy and labor that I was able to get through because of her love & support. Ezra was 16.5 months old.



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